Once I was close to dieing but didn’t. When I woke up I was relived to be alive at that time. But sometimes I wish I would have died then, that I should have died then. I’m not sure why I’m kept on this earth to hurt so much, sometimes it makes me question in weather or not I believe in God. They say God loves you and everything that happens to you He makes it happen for a reason. But I am still looking for the reason I was sexual abused as a child that did not do anything for me other then pain, I still do not see the reason why I was physical abuse it did not make me become stronger, and I still do not know why I was mentally abuse it did not make more confident. I have been being hurt since I young, too small to defend myself, too young to know I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. So I ask now God if you are real what have I done so wrong to hurt so much?